We are not wired to go through this life alone.
I mean imagine that for a second, going through your entire life (all the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, accomplishments and fears) with no one meaningful to share it with.
No one to .........
The number #1 thing that keeps us happier and healthier is loving relationships!
No, seriously it’s true and it’s backed by a 75-year scientific study that looks at brain scans, blood samples, self-assessments, and all kinds science-y proof.
- add to your excitement about having a baby or your new job
- be your shoulder to cry on when you are heartbroken and struggling
- help you overcome your fears and doubts
- reassure you that you can do hard things and that it will be alright
- clap for you and cheer you on when you accomplish your goals
- listen to your stories about your day
- see the best in you and remind you of it when you are feeling unsure
- share in the joys of buying your first home or finishing that marathon you’ve been training for
Hear what some people say about us:
Before working with you, I felt tired, drained, overworked, miserable, guarded, low, disinterested, negative about people, negative about myself, fearful, ashamed, and deflated. I cried a lot and lived in dread. After working with you, I feel confident about putting boundaries in place. There's no longer constant resistance. I am equipped. I can see more of a future and am hopeful. I am empowered and capable of handling challenges. I have self compassion and am overall more confident. I just feel SO MUCH BETTER!
It was such a pleasure talking to you, you are such a free spirit and full of energy I love that! You got me motivated back to continue what I'm doing and I am taking into consideration what you said and started applying them and made that Boom list (haha, I loved that!) I feel really great honestly I got my inspiration back thanks to you!"
No one to DO LIFE WITH!
How does that life sound to you?
EMPTY & LONLEY RIGHT!
And Loneliness KILLS! Literally! I’m not just being dramatic.
It’s like in the movie Gravity where Sandra Bullock is an astronaut, and something goes terribly wrong during her mission. She finds herself floating around completely alone in outer space with no one to help and nothing but black darkness and endless emptiness surrounding here.
Even remembering that scene makes me feel literally sick to my stomach. That’s what it’s like to go through life without relationships.
Science shows humans are wired for connection and belonging. Relationships are what tether you to this world so you aren’t Sandra Bullock floating away from reality and off into darkness alone.
And I don’t just mean sexually intimate relationships, I mean fulfilling and connected relationships in all areas of your life.
And it’s not about having a huge number of surface relationships. It’s about having relationships that have:
where you talk about more than just weather, sports, and current events
where you sharing your thoughts and beliefs on things that matter the most to you
and feeling safe enough to let your guard down, relax, and just be you (strengths and imperfections)
It’s the quality (not quantity) of the close relationships you have in your life that make you happier and healthier.
Phew, that means you can quit caring about how many social media followers you have or staying friends with your old co-worker that now drives you crazy and leaves you feeling like crap after you hang out together. (It’s okay to let those relationships go) Your legacy is the fulfilling connections you have with others.
BOTTOM LINE IS:
You can have all the money, career success, fancy clothes, fast cars, rocking hot body, and material wealth in the world BUT if you don’t have loving relationships then you won’t be happy. PERIOD!
Now just because you need loving relationships to live a happy and healthy life DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE GOOD AT RELATIONSHIPS!
There’s no classes in school that teach you how to be successful in relationships. Having successful and fulfilling relationships for the long run requires certain skills.
- problem solving
- active listening
- trust building
- conflict resolution
- self love
- team work
- leading and following
- emotional intelligence (EQ)
You were not born with the mastery of all these skills! No one is!
In fact, let’s face it, a lot of times you may SUCK at this whole relationship thing. You may sometimes make these common relationship mistakes:
- Get scared of putting your walls down and push people away
- Be afraid of getting hurt and run as soon as things don’t go smoothly
- Say the wrong thing
- Do the wrong thing
- Let someone down
- Break someone’s trust
- Assume the worst first
- Go for days, weeks, or maybe even months without talking to each other after an argument
- Shut down, runaway from, or avoid tough conversations
- Blame and criticize the other person
- Misunderstand what the other person said
- Get defensive and not listen
- Not understand why the hell your spouse doesn’t get you
- Give up because you’re so sad and disappointed that even as adults your family just can’t seem to get along
- Wonder why even at work drama seems to follow you everywhere
- Think something is wrong with you because people always end up leaving you (your mom, your dad, and then your intimate relationships)
- Or you feel like people always let you down and eventually hurt you so you leave the relationship at the first sign of trouble
- Allow one person to pull all the weight and put in all the effort in the relationship
- Take care of everyone else first and build up anger and resentment for doing everything on your own
We are all human and we are learning as we go so these mistakes happen. It’s not about being perfect in relationships (as that’s impossible). It’s about learning the skills required to be successful at having fulfilling and healthy relationships. It’s about building relationships on the rock solid foundation of self love so that you don’t run away (flight), shut down or just people please (freeze), or yell and argue (fight) when things aren’t all sunshine and rainbows.
Now let me be clear here I am PRO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!
Remember that the study doesn’t say the secret to a happy life is ANY relationships it says “good relationships.” Unhealthy relationships can actually steal away your happiness and make you miserable and often contribute to health problems such as depression, anxiety, addiction, etc.
You have likely been in an unhealthy relationship before. Or at the very least seen one. We all have! Maybe your parents fought and argued all the time. Or maybe you grew up in a home where you never saw your parents show love or affection. Maybe you even saw domestic violence, infidelity, addiction, etc. We all likely have some experience with unhealthy relationships. My passion is to help you stop the cycle of unhealthy relationships. The cycle stops by learning the skills to have healthy relationships.
Since you know that
1. You need good relationships in order to be happy and healthy
2. You weren’t born being a master at every relationship skill
Then you have 2 choices:
Choice #1. Continue doing what you have been doing.
- trying to figure it out all on your own
- blaming the other people for why the relationship fails
- giving up and being unhappy in these relationships
- tying yourself into knots trying to be who you thinks others want you to be (people pleasing)
OR YOU CAN
Choice #2. Learn the skills to be a damn rock star at relationships
- by being open-minded to learning and practicing new skills in your relationships
- by creating new habits for thinking, feeling, reacting, and acting in your relationships
If you are TIRED of having another failed relationship where you:
- feel alone and like you are living separate lives
- are wanting more
- wondering if this is as good as it gets
- feel unappreciated & taken for granted
- feel unloved & unwanted
- feel misunderstood & like others don’t get you
- more like roommates than soulmates
- are thinking about divorce
- resentful and angry for having to do it all alone
- hurt and mistreated
- don’t talk at all and when we do talk you end up arguing and in a fight
- don’t show affection or are resistant to intimacy
- feel criticized and attacked
- feel empty and numb towards the other person
If you want HEALTHY relationships in your life where you:
- feel seen, heard, and like they “get you”
- laugh, play, have joy
- have passion, affection, and intimacy
- can express concerns without fear of it turning into an argument
- trust each other
- feel comfortable to be who you are
- see the best of each other
- support each other’s dreams and goals
- feel like a partnership and equal team
Then choose option #2
Start the journey to become a rock star at relationships so you can have a happier and healthier life.
WHAT'S YOUR CHOICE?!?!?!
What to know about working with me:
Choosing the right person to work with on becoming a Relationship Rock Star is a relationship of its own. It is a working relationship in which we need to be the right match for each other in order for the process to be successful. To help us figure out if we are a match made in coaching heaven I believe in being fully transparent and honest from the start. Here’s an overview of my style. You can learn more about my personal journey and my experience as a Licensed Mental Health Therapist on the About Me page.
Who I work with:
What I do:
I believe in the power of transformation that comes from getting outside help from trained professionals. Hello, what kind of Relationship Therapist would I be if I didn’t believe in the benefits of therapy. If I talked the talk but didn’t walk the walk in my own life. That would make me a fraud.
Which is why I am open about the fact that my husband and I have utilized couples therapy in the past and if needed would use it in the future. We attended pre-martial counseling during our engagement. We also worked with a therapist when we were struggling after the birth of our first child.
What was lacking from those first two experiences was real life tools that we could use in our relationship. They talked with us and tried to help us understand each other better and it would feel good for a while, but they didn’t teach us any new skills or action steps we could do to make consistent change and handle situations on our own in the future.
The new insights they taught us were great and provided momentary relief and when we got back into real life there was a honeymoon period, but when stressful moments came (like they inevitably - like having children, moving, you know the stuff that comes from blending together two people with their own baggage, own past hurts, own fears and insecurities) we struggled again and were repeating the same mistakes.
We were left asking ourselves…….Now What?.......What do I do in real life?
We needed action steps and tools we could apply to our life, our relationship, and our circumstances!!!!
I remember thinking “Okay, that makes sense. That’s great info. Now what?! Now, how do I take that new information and apply it to help my life.” Those are the answers I wanted!!!!!!
Which is why that is what I do in our work together. I am VERY ACTION ORIENTED. I’m a don’t tell me SHOW ME type of person.
Yes, you will have life changing Aha-moments, Yes, you will have new ways of thinking. Yes, you will understand yourself and others better. Yes, you will be more confident and empowered. AND you will have the answers to the NOW WHAT?! You will be equipped with the ACTIONS to take, practical TOOLS to use, and tangible TIPS to apply to your life and relationships. That’s where the endless growth, deep positive change, and long-term success come from:
- Teach mindset skills based on science, psychology, and experience
- Teach you ACTION STEPS, TOOLS, and TIPS to use in real life
- Expand your perspective with new ways of thinking that are uplifting so you become your own THought Boss
- Hold a safe & sacred space for you to be you
- Empower you
- Validate you
- Cheer for you
- Hold you accountable
What I DO NOT do:
1. Tell you what to do.
You are the master of your own life. My role is to help you see your blind spots, empower you to discover the answers and solutions that you want to choose (not choose it for you). I help you build the confidence in yourself to find the answers within you instead of living a SHOULD LIFE based on what others say. If I were to tell you what to do then you are living a life that isn’t true to you and is simply to please me because you think you should listen to me.
Nope, I am not the puppet master of your life. You are the powerful being that has the intuition and inner strength to discover what is best for you and what matches your values and beliefs. You are the leader of your life. Or as it’s said in the movie The Holiday, you are the leading lady in your own damn life. I am your supporting role. Your guide. Your teacher to help you discover YOUR OWN TRUTHS so you become the master of your life.
2. Only say what I think you want to hear.
I’m not going to lie to you and I am not going to say something that is untrue.
Clients have said it best: “She says what I need to hear but may be hard to hear. I’m able to take it in because I know she cares and is saying it to help me grow and because I need to hear it. She has no hidden agenda or ulterior motive because she has no dog in the fight so to speak so I know it’s coming from a place of wanting the best for me.”
3. Judge you.
You have nothing to prove to me. Our working relationship is your sacred space to be 100% YOU! To say what you truly believe, think, feel, need, and want without fear of judgment.
4. Take sides.
I’m a therapist not a judge deciding a case. My job is to understand both people in the relationship and help you both feel validated. My job is TO SEE YOU and I mean really see you — the deeper meaning of what you are saying and where it is coming from. Then I help translate that for you so your partner can see you too. If you don’t walk away feeling like this person “gets me” then I will continue to explore and ask questions until you do feel understood.
I do this for both people involved not just the woman or the man. My job is to help you “get each other” so that your connection is deeper and more fulfilling. If you are looking for someone to just tell you that you are right and the other person is wrong (that’s passing judgment. See #3) then I am not the match for you.
If you are looking for someone who is willing to see you both, listen to you both, validate you both, and get you both, so that you can understand each other better, get each other better, and validate each other than I am the match for you.