During a recent visit with my family, my 30-year old nephew was discussing the single life and what he is looking for in a wife. He stated that what he is looking for is to be in a “power couple.” He said “I want my wife and I to be a power couple”. He gave us an example of a couple he knows that is politically connected within Washington D.C. He gave some other examples each of which held the theme of status. He then looked at my husband and I and said; “Aren’t you two a power couple?” My husband and I stared at each other blankly. No one had ever put us on the spot to qualify our relationship. We said nothing for what felt like an eternity. I sat frozen with the fear that if the answer was no then that implies something negative about our marriage or that our marriage isn’t worthy. Thankfully someone else in the family chimed in removing the attention off of us. The question nagged at me though.
According to its definition, a power couple is “A couple both of whom have high-powered careers or are politically influential. Both of whom are smart, wealthy, attractive, and deeply in love” Neither my husband nor I have high powered careers. We are not politically connected. We are not political or community leaders working to obtain political influence. We are not rocket scientist, geniuses, or members of Mensa. We are not wealthy. We are not famous or even well known within our community. We do not look like supermodels and I doubt you would find either of us on the cover of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People. I would also dare say we are not deeply in love.
We are NOT a power couple.
Since we are not a power couple then what are we? My husband and I are hard working. My husband’s “low powered” career brings him joy and helps us maintain a level of emotional and financial stability. My ‘low powered” career is my calling and has been since I was young. I am lucky enough to have the flexibility to stay home with our two boys during the day while running a small mental health private practice during nap times and at night. This flexibility alone is a dream come true for me. Neither my husband nor I desire to have high powered careers. Unfortunately, high power careers typically translates to more time at the office and less time home with the family. The cost of less quality time with each other as a couple and with our children as a family is a cost too high for us. It is also contradictory to our goals as a couple. We have made the conscious decision to place time with family above a high powered career. Our careers are fulfilling to us both and work well for our family. We do not define our wealth in dollars, cents, or financial portfolios. We quantify our wealth in witnessing milestones, reading bedtime stories, and making family memories. My husband and I are influential in our children’s lives.
My husband is influential and instrumental in the functioning of our family. He is instrumental in me not losing my mind at the end of a hard day at home alone for 8-hours with two young children. My husband and I are influential in modeling and instilling compassion, empathy, hard work, integrity, and self confidence in our children. My husband has no desire to change the world or have political influence. This does not make him any less of a person. His desire on this earth is to be the best husband and father he can be. Although I have no desire to be politically influential, I do believe my purpose on this earth is to implement positive change within the world. My career as a mental health therapist helps me accomplish this. My desire to promote global change in how individual’s view themselves is influenced by my husband as well. It is his unconditional love and support of my goals that allows me the freedom to pursue these goals. The fact that these are not shared dreams with my husband only speaks stronger to his unconditional love and commitment to our marriage.
Even though my goal is not his goal he still supports my goal and helps me reach each goal in any way he can. He is an active participant and support in making my dreams a reality even though they are my dreams alone. That is a powerful experience. To have someone give so selflessly to fulfill someone else’s dreams is inspiring. My husband and I are smart in that we have learned how to love each other. We know that each of us will always be changing and growing. In order for us to always change and grow together as well we know we will learn new ways to love each other and additional ways to show our love to each other at each different stage throughout our marriage. My husband and I are wealthy in life’s treasures. Our wealth is calculated in our relationships with our family and friends. Our village of supports that stand with us and for us. We are wealthy is hugs, kisses, and snuggles from our boys.
We are rich in spirit, laughter, unconditional love, freedoms, and endless possibilities. My husband and I are attractive in that when we look at each other we see the best version of the other person. When I haven’t had time to shower in 2 days and my hair is so greasy that it looks wet even when it is dry my husband still holds my hand, hugs me close, and sees me beyond the image in from him. When we are old, wrinkled, and losing hair we will still look at each other and always see the other person as we were on our wedding day. We are attractive to each other because we look at each other with eyes of love. My husband and I are in-love. Some days we are more in-love than the day before. Some days we are less in-love than the day before that. Some days we love each other but don’t really like each other at a particular moment. No matter the day there is always a foundation of love and commitment to one another. The concept of soul mates and being deeply in-love is a state of emotion that we believe is built throughout a marriage rather than an emotion a couple begins with. We believe this because our love now is stronger and deeper than it was on our wedding day. Each day we are together we are sharing more moments, having more experiencing, and obtaining a greater understanding of each other.
All of these moments building on each other creates a deeper and stronger connection between us. We are also stronger now because we have been faced with adversity as a couple. No matter the adversities within our marriage we both always fought for ourselves, for each other, and for the marriage. Facing these adversities and coming out on the other side has made us stronger and our love deeper. My admiration, appreciation, and respect for my husband is much stronger now than when I was doe eyes and carefree on the day we said I DO. After we said I DO is when life happened. The I DO is the wedding. The marriage is bills to pay, houses to maintain, new in-law family dynamics to please, first time parent conflicts to discuss, children to care for, and work to be done. The moments of adversity intermixed with the moments of pure joy is what makes love deeper and marriages stronger.
My husband and I are a couple both of whom are in-love and deeply committed to each other, our children, our extended families, our village, our dreams, our goals, and our future. At the end of the day, I am thankful that my nephew asked us; “Aren’t you two a power couple.” I am no longer frozen in discomfort and unable to answer his question. It is with his question that I was able to see my definition of a power couple. I am now proud to answer his question. “Aren’t you two a power couple?” Hell yes……………………….
We ARE a POWER COUPLE.